Step 1: Pick Your Board Wisely
- Choose a board that deserves bending.
- Bonus points if it looks straight enough to betray its eventual fate.
Step 2: Ask the Board for Consent
- Politely inform the board about your plans.
- If it creaks in disapproval, remind it who’s boss.
Step 3: Find a Source of Heat
- Heat helps make wood flexible. Your options include:
- A steam box.
- A hairdryer cranked to “volcanic.”
- Your sheer determination (and maybe a blowtorch).
Step 4: Soak the Board in Water
- Dunk it in your bathtub or nearest lake.
- If it starts floating away, that’s a sign it’s planning its revenge.
Step 5: Apply Pressure
- Brace one end of the board against a sturdy object (like your ego).
- Slowly apply pressure to the other end until it politely agrees to bend.
- If it snaps, calmly whisper, “I meant to do that.”
Step 6: Clamp It Into Place
- Use clamps to hold the board in its new shape.
- If you don’t own clamps, duct tape and blind optimism work too.
Step 7: Wait Patiently
- Let the board sit overnight. If you’re impatient, yell encouraging words at it.
- If the board reverts to its original shape, you’ve just created a “bounce-back” masterpiece.
Step 8: Show Off Your Work
- Admire your slightly bent, mildly traumatized board.
- Share photos online with captions like, “Perfect curvature achieved!”
- Brace for comments asking if you’ve tried consulting a carpenter.
Step 9: Reassure the Board
- Congratulate the board on its transformation.
- Promise to never attempt this again (at least until the next project).
Step 10: Profit
- Sell your bent board as “modern art.”
- Retire early and never speak of this guide again.